One Simple Question That Helps Me Reframe Disappointment in Hard Times
The Year of Disappointment
The first half of this year has been an absolute master class in dealing with tremendous disappointment as a society. At the most extreme cases, we’re contending with death, loss of our livelihoods, closures of businesses that we’ve put everything we have into, loss of housing, and more. Every time I talk to someone, I am surprised if we get through the conversation without some dialogue about something disappointing that has happened to one or both of us.
Some of the things I have been contending with include loss of getting to see family including my two beautiful nieces, loss of childcare, loss of all paid speaking gigs for the remainder of the year, loss of an entire business concept that I was pursuing, loss of in-person contact with my community, loss of all vacation plans, and more. And when I say them out loud in comparison to what others are facing, I feel like they don’t warrant feeling sad about, but when I’m in the moment, I feel an immense sense of disappointment as a result of these losses. Today, I had another one — I lost a consulting contract that brought in more than 50 percent of my income.
How to “Pull Up”
And while I felt sorry for myself for a hot minute, I was able to “pull up” (and for those of you not familiar with the term “pull up,” it’s what my older brother used to tell me to do when I was really upset, as in — you’re the pilot of a plane that is nose-diving and you need to pull the f*ck up, fast). How did I pull up so quickly? I’m glad you asked. I posed one simple question to myself: If this was happening for me and not to me, what would that mean?
When I examine this question when it comes to my disappointment, it usually opens up even more inquiries like, “What opportunities might come as a result of this? What learning might this present to me that I could use in the future? What good could possibly come out of this? If the universe had a benevolent plan for me, what could this particular roadblock mean?”
The Inspiration You Need
In the case of losing a huge consulting contract, when I looked at this through the lens of what this would mean if it were happening for me and not to me, it became clear that in the space that is now opened up by not having this contract, I am supposed to work on another project that has been waiting in the wings (more on that soon). Because I have just lost a good chunk of my income, it lights a fire under my ass to get more revenue coming in the door, which I wouldn’t have had before today and will be the inspiration I need to get this next project done. So, voila! With one simple question, I was able to reframe a sincerely disappointing situation into something good and inspire positive action moving forward.
So when your next disappointment happens, ask yourself what it would mean if that circumstance was happening for you — as a gift — rather than to you, even when (or especially when) it feels the worst.