A Step-by-step Guide To Hosting A Salon Dinner
One of my favorite things to do in the world is host salon dinners. Why? These dinners create deep, meaningful connections between people in a way nothing else can—and social connections are critical to our mental health and longevity.
In a world where so many of us feel lonely, I’ve watched complete strangers say things they’ve never said out loud before to each other. I’ve experienced moments of pure joy and delight as a group, and I’ve also witnessed what it looks like for an entire group of people to hold someone in their grief. I’ve uncovered insights about myself and others that never would have emerged—all because of salon dinners.
So, what is a salon dinner, and how do you run one? Here’s everything you need to know.
What Is A Salon Dinner?
The premise is fairly simple: a salon dinner is a format where everyone engages in one group conversation while sharing a meal.
How Do You Run a Salon Dinner?
Salon Dinner Guidelines:
Facilitation: As the host of the dinner, you’ll be the facilitator meaning it’s your job to explain the structure, provide the discussion question(s), manage time, and help everyone stay true to the guidelines.
Single Conversation: Typically, the host provides one question for everyone at the table to answer. You can ask each person a different question, but using one question is simpler as you’re getting started. The important part is that everyone at the table is engaged in the same conversation. You can do more than one question for the group based on the length of time you have for the dinner.
One Speaker At A Time: Critically, only one person answers the discussion question at a time. Everyone else is invited to give their full attention to the person who’s speaking, doing their best to actively listen and stay attentive the entire time.
Stay Focused: Tell everyone to avoid side-bar conversations where a few people start having a smaller conversation, or cross-talk where people comment on something the speaker said once they’re done speaking. Once someone is done speaking, you should move on to the next person with little if any conversation between speakers.
Manage Your Time: Help everyone understand the general timeframe they have to answer the question by dividing the length of time you hope the dinner to be (e.g., 90 minutes) by the number of attendees. You can keep a timer on your phone to ensure folks stick to their allotted time if you think it’s necessary.
Speaker Order: You can invite everyone to go in a specific order based on how they’re seated (e.g. clockwise), or invite people to speak based on whenever they feel inspired to answer.
Size: The ideal number of guests is 4 - 10. Anything more than 10 typically takes too long.
Sample Facilitator Script:
“Welcome! Tonight we’re going to have a salon dinner. For those of you who’ve never participated in one of these, we will all be participating in the same conversation for the entire meal based on a question I’ll ask the group. For this to be successful, I invite each of you to:
Be as present as possible while you’re here. Please put your phones away, and if you need to respond to a text or answer a call, please step out of the room.
Try not to think about what you’re going to say while you’re listening to the other attendees.
Try to keep your answer to (TBD) minutes or less.
Lean one step further into vulnerability than what’s normal for you.
Do your best to refrain from side-bar conversations or commenting on someone’s story after they’ve spoken.
To start with, I’d like to invite (your choice: the person to your right, the oldest person, the tallest person, whoever is feeling inspired, etc) to kick us off. After (name) is done, we’ll move on to the next person based on (again, your choice: whoever feels inspired to go next, the person to the right, the person the last speaker calls on).
Does anyone have any questions before I get us started with this evening’s question?”
Fantastic Salon Dinner Questions
In terms of choosing the questions for the group, some of my favorite questions/prompts include:
Tell us about a key turning point in your life after which you feel your life completely changed.
What is one trait from either one of your parents that you hope to emulate?
What is something you’ve felt truly passionate about in your life and why?
What is a key decision you’ve made that has shaped your life?
What is something you wished more people asked you about yourself that they rarely do?
Who is one person who has shaped your life in a meaningful way?
Here are some resources that have great questions I often use when hosting my own salon dinners:
Vulnerability is Sexy Card Game — created by my friend and lovely human Corey Blake, these are a staple for me in terms of finding all sorts of juicy questions that turn salon dinners into places of deep connection
Where Should We Begin: A Game of Stories — created by psychotherapist Esther Perel, this game includes wonderful questions that will help inspire your group to talk about what’s important
Find Your Moonshot Game — created by another friend, Jeremy DeRuiter, Personal Development Mentor at Biggby Coffee, the questions included in this game focus on your dreams, ambitions, purpose, and life goals, which make for extraordinary conversations that will help you build greater connection with your group.