How I Made the Difficult Decision to Step Away As CEO
As the founder of a company, how do you know when it’s really time to step away?
Photo by Nick Taylor
Founding and running a business is insane. There are days when you feel like you’ve made the best decision of your life — you’re living your dream, you’re gaining traction, and you’re building a future for yourself. There are other days when you feel like you’ve made the worst mistake possible — payroll is looming, you’re exhausted to the core of your being, and everything that could possibly go wrong is, well, going wrong. Sometimes you feel all of these things in the same hour. When you’re in the midst of the rollercoaster, especially when the lows are at their lowest, it’s all too easy to imagine what it would be like to leave. But as the founder, how do you know when it’s really time to step away?
This is the question I found myself grappling with at the end of 2019 as the co-founder and CEO of Conscious Company Media. I started the company when I was 29. In our first three years, we navigated the entire entrepreneur’s journey from getting a product to market, fundraising, scaling, and eventually selling the company. I even remained on as CEO of the brand post-sale. And while I went on to launch incredible things, from the World-Changing Women’s Summit and Podcast to the Game-changing Founders of Color list and beyond, my soul was struggling. My heart had been consistent in its message: “It’s time.” And when you’re getting that message on the regular as a founder, it brings up a ton of questions like:
What if the company explodes in growth after I leave? What does that say about me? Was I not the right leader for the company and should I have stepped away long ago?
What if the company implodes after I leave? Will I ever forgive myself for leaving and dooming the beautiful team and brands that I built?
What if no one takes my calls anymore because I can no longer get them an article or a speaking gig?
What if I never build anything ever again that is as wonderful as this first brand and I regret leaving for the rest of my life?
What in the world am I going to do now? Am I even employable?
And so. much. more.
These questions would cycle over and over in my head and absolutely plague me. But here is where I came out — it’s often said that, “as the leader goes, so goes the organization.” If, as the leader of your organization, your heart and soul are no longer “all in,” that energy will seep into the pores of your company. Consciously or not, your team will pick up on it. Your work won’t be at the level it once was. And the wellspring of innovation and ideas that once came so easily to you will run dry. So, you owe it to your company and yourself to either a) find a way to recharge and recommit (which involves acknowledging that you’re burned out and taking specific steps to get help) or b) step away and bring in someone who can reinvigorate the leadership role.
Deciding which one of these to do is a personal decision. I can honestly say that I was able to recharge and recommit multiple times over the course of my tenure as CEO. But at the end of 2019, it just felt different. The practices that I used to recharge weren’t working. The voice in my heart was consistent over a matter of many months. And I was just sinking deeper and deeper into unhappiness. I asked myself, regardless of all my personal concerns, what is truly best for the company and what is best for me?
For me, the answer was clear. I needed to move on. So, on New Year’s Eve, my husband and I talked about what it would look like for me to step away from my role at my beloved Conscious Company Media — to leave the team that I loved, to step away from my “identity,” to walk away from the work that I was known for. It was one of the saddest conversations I’ve ever had.
I officially transitioned away from my role in March 2020. And while I sit here months later and know that it was the right decision because it was made with my heart and with the company’s best interest in mind, I still look back at that closed door and mourn for what I left behind. I have days of joy because I don’t have to carry the weight of the whole company any longer and I get to explore all sorts of new things — and I have days of grief when I remember how it felt to stand on stage hosting an event or laugh with my team over the excitement of a new project.
When I speak to other founders who have similarly transitioned from the company they founded, we’re all experiencing the same ups and downs. We’ve all likened it to birthing a child and then adopting it to new parents when you realize that it’s in the best interest of the child to be in the care of someone else. You look back and want the child to be happy, but there will always be a part of you that wants to hold their hand and guide them as they grow up. But even as much as you might want to stay with them, if your heart is telling you that you no longer have what the child needs in the form of energy, enthusiasm, and care, you owe it to the child to find them someone else who does — even if it means walking away from something you truly love.